Elf 'n safety - the next targets?

Sometimes, I wonder if we are slowly heading towards a completely totalitarian state whereby you cannot do, see, say, read, eat, drink, think or discuss anything that the state has not first approved. Every day it seems that something else is going to get banned or prohibited, or is brought under some new legislation that requires permission from a set of faceless bureaucrats before you can start, or do it.

This from the Times suggests the next ten things that elf 'n safety might look at banning - planet ban-it.

Now some of these appear to be fairly sensible, but others, at least to me, seem so bloody ludicrous they are hardly worthy of comment.
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Hmmmmm, also interesting to note that this article contains yet another reference to some discredited and never published 'scientific' [not] study claiming that heart attack rates in Scotland have fallen by 20% in the first ten months of the smoking ban, which they definitively have not. A classic case of 'Post hoc ergo propter hoc' (after this, therefore because of this) that is demonstrably false, yet still quoted as fact without reference.