Losing our deposit

Well, that didn't take long.

Emma has marched across to demand that we don't just comment, but actually do something about it. Deposits, that is. So I immediately reached across to my phone to dial... er... them.

So while that aspect of the hunt gathers pace, I can but do the only things I have been able to do for a while, namely write a blog first and then rope all and sundry in to figure out how to make things actually work. Well, at least we do have a website.

Emma has merely confirmed for the current yoof end of the market what I had remembered of mine, namely that instead of a bunch of over-subsidised schemes telling kids to do the right thing, her brothers used to do it because they got rewarded. One-munchkin search, collection, separation and delivery systems all in shorts and grazed knees.

So.. great. Now I have another task to fill my otherwise empty day, nights and weekends.

I'm thinking to start we need a poll, and possibly one using our localisation facility, so we can get some meaningful data to take to them when the time comes.

And on the not-too-unlikely assumption they remain under their rocks, maybe if it proves popular enough we'll just ignore them and just get on and sort out something ourselves. Which will show.. them and serve... them right.

You know, this is not so much a blog, but turning more and more into the Junkk.com job sheet.

On the hunt of them

With much gulping (which is also a small hamlet just down the road) we recently committed to a paid subscription.

Materials Recycling Week is pretty high on the 'does what it says on the tin' list of titles, so I won't waste much effort on what they cover, save to say a largish wadge is in areas we'll politely note and pass over (though as an ex CivEng some of those waste munching machines look way cool - I'm thinking of doing a Tomorrow's World type 'how it works’ - with cutaway - on the site).

But we did deem them worth staying abreast of as they also get first dibs on a lot of re-stuff in the consumer domain. Plus they were nice enough to write about us a while ago, so I don't feel the pain of the outward funds so keenly. It seems a worthy read: http://mrw.co.uk , to repay the compliment.

Opening my first edition, I was confronted by a very interesting article by their editor, Paul Sanderson, essentially posing various re-related consumer questions, such as why there were no longer any deposits on pop bottles any more. As it is one we at Junkk.com have been asked, and still don't know, I rang him to see if he'd had an answer. Seems not. And this is from the heart of the UK recycling universe!

Between us the best that we could come up with was that 'they' had said/decided that a) it wasn't practical, b) it wasn't financially feasible or c) the consumers didn't want it.

Now, especially on the latter, I have yet to meet a consumer who didn't see merit in it.

And frankly, we at Junkk.com see it as a great way to build something in that not only gets people to bring things back to regain the deposit, but as they are making the trip also get rewarded.

Now all I have to do is find 'them'.

If you have any hints where to start… much appreciated (which is just across the river from much gulping) :)

All the news that's fit... well fit

It's always a good sign when anyone comes to see us here for business. We're a tad in the boonies, and not so easy to get to, so when they make the trip we really appreciate it. And it almost always heralds the start of a beautiful relationship, because at worst it shows they like what we're up to and would like to help, and at best it shows that they can see the potential of what we're up to and the value of being part... and hence want to help. We don’t mind a little bit of mercenary forward-thinking when it endorses our concept.

So yesterday was a big day for us. Because we were meeting to discuss all sorts of issues surrounding our imminent dedicated daily news feed, with the lovely folks who will be providing us with it, Adfero (http://www.adfero.co.uk/).

The partnership now seems the most logical thing you could imagine, but the irony is that it almost never happened. They had a booth at both the recent Online Marketing Show and Internet World shows. So did we. In slack moments they popped by to see what we were up to. We reciprocated. But at no point did either side say 'you know, we could work together!' (Of course, that may be down to the communications standards on our respective stands).

It was only a few weeks later that I sat wading through a bunch of material we'd gleaned from the net that day, getting frustrated that we didn't have the copyright to reproduce it or the time to get in touch with the protagonists to rewrite it on Junkk.com. Then it sunk in. So I called. And they came. And we exchanged a lot of stuff. And they came again. And soon, very soon, we will have our very own homepage daily news, crafted to our audiences. Plus an ever-growing searchable archive on specific topics.

So a few mad panics this end in the next few weeks re-jigging the site design... again.

But it gets better, though, naturally, more complex. It hadn't really sunk in ('til Tom of Adfero mentioned it) that by doing this we were becoming even more valuable a resource. We'd be coming up with stuff in an area that's not very well covered, and in a style which is, well, pretty unique. This will attract an audience. So while WE are daily signing up for, receiving, reading and gleaning nuggets from countless sites and feeds on all sorts of topics, pretty soon we're going to be one too and have all sorts of folks doing the same for us.

Which means that on top of trying to get to grips with blogs, pods and whatever, I now have to grasp and master a whole new raft of initials like RSS and XML. Only this time there may even be money it, so I'm all eyes.

Size Matters. Or.. matters of size

For as long as I can remember, the most useful units of measurement were double-decker busses and football fields. It was thus that I managed to get to grips with the height of Nelson's column and the deck area of the USS Nimitz. I'm afraid 30,000ft didn't quite do it for me when it came to figuring out how high vapour trails are.

And with that neat link, I think we need some more user-comprehensible terms for all the enviro-stuff that's flying about. Or, for that matter, being dropped in the ocean. I really can't get to grips with a ton of CO2.

And what happened to the ozone hole? That was once the size of the Isle of Wight (another good measure), and then Antartica.

Now it doesn't get mentioned, I presume, because it's not an issue thanks to roll-on deodorants (which we at Junkk.com favour not just because they don't squirt pressurised gasses around, but have truly neat bits ‘n bobs to make stuff out of).

But for now, if anyone could get us on track of a decent, cheap, preferably recycled material vernier calliper (accurate to at least 1 millimetre or better), I'd be grateful. We need an incentive for kids to measure things with for the site, and I'm not sure Tescos will let them bring a double-decker in with them.

'Everything is inevitable' says Junkk.com CEO

I am a lowly paid person with little authority and not much more responsibility. This is about to change. For I have figured out where the road to true power, privilege and success lies: do nothing, and just for good measure make sure the consequences of this inaction are covered by a suitable disclaimer.

Hence I have collated the collective intel of a million monkeys and their typewriters and can state categorically that pretty much anything is inevitable, if we wait long enough.

There, I'm covered. My status in the halls of influence assured. May I have my index-linked salary and pension now, please?

Carrot vs. Stick

If you have kids, and I'm sure many of you do (or may even have been one), there are a few basic rules for getting on. ‘Spare the rod, spoil the child’ may have passed into law-enforced PC oblivion, so suffice to say that even with one's nearest and dearest it's best to build the structure of a reward on the firm foundation of what is and is not going to be tolerated, even though the 'or else bit' gets a bit vague these days.

I was reminded of this the other night when watching a programme about Hiroshima. It was very good, if distressing to see the sheer extent of the suffering of the truly innocent (though by way of dispassionate explanation, it was war, and you as dead from a atomic blast as you are on the end of a bayonet, but that is perhaps a topic for another time).

What was interesting, as I did not know beforehand, was that prior to dropping the bomb the Allies had decided to soften their demand for unconditional surrender to take into account the sticking point of the whole Japanese 'Emperor is all' mindset. Basically a bit of a compromise to conclude what was pretty obviously a done deal. Trouble was, this got interpreted by the 'nothing to lose' chancers on the other side as a sign of weakness, so they basically went from thinking about ways to surrender to telling the Allies to stick it, thus ensuring what came to pass.

So on to today, and I read that Iran has told the EU to.. er.. 'stick it', despite offers of political and economic incentives, designed to dissuade the theocratic Middle Eastern state from building atomic bombs. I'm not encouraged that we have any statespersons left with the balls or skill to deal with this. Even those who have read enough history to avoid repeating it. Danegeld... Munich anyone?

A bit like our own homegrown travails, we are reaping what we have sowed by our own ineptitude. Doing nothing is usually more dangerous in the long run. Look at the climate issue.

On a happier note, Junkk.com is just getting more carroty every day, with a raft of new initiatives I can't wait to share. Watch this space. Well, the one to the left on the homepage anyway.

Lack of Definition

I just have to make this quick topical comment.

Why do the autocue-reading vanilla cones and suit-capped bouffants on the news keep saying that the Shuttle landing has suffered another 'setback'?

It's a simple delay, built into the operational parameters, to await the optimal landing conditions across a selection of sites. I know delay doesn't quite have the same sensationalist cachet as setback, but if it's a slow news day, try and find some other news guys! A surfboarding tortoise would be preferable to wheeling out the endless series of talking heads to say that it's going round in circles waiting to land because that's what they've planned to do all along.

No news is no news.

I for one, especially for the sake of their families and colleagues, wish the crew well and happy landings. Until they do - end of story.

Fan Mail

During one of those long hot summers in my early ad career, we were all sweltering as usual as there was no such thing as aircon in our office. Instead there was one small tabletop job that perched on a filing cabinet behind an account director of less than spectacular popularity. One day he was pontificating away with his feet upon on his desk and his chair rocking back against the cabinet. And the inevitable, blissfully, took place. I couldn't resist. 'That's the first recorded instance of the fan hitting the s**t!, I exclaimed, and the acclaim I was accorded from that moment on more than made up for the P45.

Which brings me to today's topic.

In the mail wasa hefty envelope from one of those agencies tasked to (help) stop us do stuff that is not as environmentally sound as it may be. So far, so noble.

Amongst the various letters and posters and flyers and leaflets (though to be fair they do suggest we ask for some, though I presume not all, online) there was a piece of wood attached to a piece of card, to form a sort of... fan.

On one side was written: 'Here's one extra way to keep cool without extra carbon emissions'.

Now I am as big a fan (excuse the pun) of interactive DM as the next guy. But as this was from a 'don’t waste’ agency, and it patently did involve a few extra carbon emissions, from its construction to delivery, no matter how good the message I feel the need to take the messenger to one side for a wee chat at least.

Especially as tucked away in small type around the rim on the reverse was this: 'Not a fan? If you don't plan to use me then please return to:...'

I wonder what the cost all round (financial and eco) would be if I did, per unit.

But in the spirit of their message I am now getting cracking on a structure you can make from the obviously often necessary business mailings one has to send out in the spirit of communication. Just like our very own Folda-Holda.

I wonder if they'd sponsor me?

Off form

What is it with forms? Or rather, those who send them out?

How come they can never make them reflect the possible answers, and certainly never acknowledge context. Or that ambiguity may mean there is not the definitive answer they demand.

I was... am... a writer, and certainly like things to say what they mean, and mean what they say. I’m also a scientist. So if asked how many angels could dance on the head of a pin I'd probably first need to know if they were doing the Tango or Waltz. And I flatly refuse to sign anything unless I agree with everything I am being required put my name to, or at least articulated in a way with which I am comfortable.

I lost out on a job opportunity a few years ago, having gone through a series of very successful personal interviews, only to fail a psychometric analysis. I know why, and it wasn't my answers. It was what I didn't, or refused, to answer. The pin-strip and braces kept insisting I had to tick a box when the accurate response was not adequately represented in the options, and then got in a snit because I was pushing his £300/per fee beyond the assigned time for his secretarial services. I hope the company found the compliant box-ticker they were seeking.

Government is always a rich seam. My wife got confused with a census form when she had to put herself down as either Oriental or Asian, when she considers herself to be both.

And I had a fun series of exchanges with a funder where they insisted I sign a form that I couldn't and wouldn't, which ended up with me sending a blank form along with a 3-page letter to put important issues in context. I'd had the money so was none too worried, and never heard back, so I wonder what happened there?

All I ask is that if you can't deal with the possible answers, then don't ask the question.

So enough with the forms, and if you really want to know something, ask me in person and be ready to work with the reply I provide. Or if you have to have it in a form only a computer can love, at least put in an option in there like:

[ ] none of these allow for a valid feedback on this question as posed, please call me to discuss on....

And then doubtless file my reply under 'not understanding/cooperative' and put me in another neat box, instead of wondering if your way of asking questions is flawed.

Up in smoke

We at Junkk.com try to be mercifully above... below.. well, slightly off to one side of the great 'who's got the biggest ecowilly' contest, where one defender of all that's green and good have a got go at another. However, as it's just me....

What really could not go without comment, albeit poorly-balanced geopolitically, ecologically and bigger picturely, was the following I just read, under the title :'Shuttle Commander sees wide environmental damage'. Commander Eileen Collins is quoted as saying astronauts on shuttle Discovery had seen widespread environmental destruction on Earth and warned on Thursday that greater care was needed to protect natural resources. "We would like to see, from the astronauts' point of view, people take good care of the Earth and replace the resources that have been used."

Scorched earth. Billowing towers of greenhouse gasses being expended to convey just a few privileged individuals around in their expensive vehicles.

Obviously she was not gazing down on her own launchpad.

Now, if we could just get a cow into orbit using its own methane as fuel...

A mighty Whoosh

This is not, as might first be suspected, anything to do with wind, at least not of the 'minced moorhen' or 'Dorothy Does Birmingham' variety.

It would appear that it is indeed the bovine population's flatulence that is posing a bigger threat than any SUV ever can. At least in LA. I can actually get my head around this.

To save the planet I guess I could get used to veggie burgers, but in the meantime there is really only one solution. And have I got a good use for a BBQ sauce bottle. With Junkk.com always there for seconds.

On balance

On a dark day recently, if only one of too many, two men died.

Both were the innocent, unwilling victims of violent people who do not value human life, and through some warped view of their own and their position in society decided (either with malice aforethought or spontaneously, with perverse rationality or under the influence of something... I really do not care) to attack without thought for the consequences.

Their intention, sadly successful in both cases, was clear.

Which made them murderists. Nothing more. No other 'ist' or 'phobe'. The clear, main linking fact was that they sought to kill, and need to be caught and prevented from doing so again to protect the rest of 'us'.

But somehow this plain fact has somehow been obscured by a media-driven society and an overly sensistive and reactive governing system. Hence these two deaths, the circumstances, the protagonists and the follow-up has taken two very different paths. One has become a circus; the other all but forgotten already. Yet the simple facts remained the same.

But that does not provide nearly enough for an angle to be found; a way to spin things out, then analyse and comment. To stir things up and then reap the ratings from the consequences.

So the coverage was not balanced, and hence neither was the response. Labels had to be applied. Pigeonholes filled. Agendas promoted at the expense of the only real issue.

Innocents deprived of life by Murderists.

It's good to chat

Well, our first internet chat room interview passed off without a hitch, assuming you don't count my touch typing skills which, combined with a postage stamp-sized text box and no Spellchecker, resulted in some interesting versions of words.

See it here:

http://www.theenvironmentsite.org/Forum/viewtopic.php?t=2970

My fears about getting a full answer across were unfounded, Adi was a most gracious host, the participants proactive and we look forward to all who took part (or reading subsequently) gaining a little from the experience.

Taking Time

I used to have a bumper sticker on my car: "Copywriters have to do it in 30 seconds or less'. Perhaps the greatest discipline, and value, of my profession was communicating (and better yet persuading) in, or via, our words in as limited space as possible. The best vehicle was posters, which I love. I believe the rule was '8 words or less', though this did come with an extra 1000 in the form of a complementary picture. But as (Mark Twain? You'll gather I have memory as hazy as it is selective) said, it takes a lot of time to write a little.

It's no excuse, but I don't have a lot of time. Which is why this blog sometimes is more a stream of thought, best got down and out than not at all.

But I also worry that the pendulum has swung too far (as it inevitably does), and in demanding the merits of brevity we are also losing the value of consideration. Sound bites. 30 second elevator pitches. ‘I'm afraid that’s all we have time for... ‘ says the fragrant TV vanilla cone, cutting short a discussion on terror to a skateboarding tortoise.

Take our forthcoming online chat. Someone asks: 'what do you think about recycled paper?'. How long have they got? But the system (literally in this case as I think there's a limit on how much you can insert on an ICQ exchange) and the attention spans of all but the poser pretty much demand that we say something quickly, without opportunity to create context, explore options and establish the grey in amongst the absolute black and the white. This leads to mistakes, misunderstandings and protracted follow-ups.

We hate wastes of anything. But I do wonder whether in our obsession with saving time we sometimes end up wasting even more of it.

C U @ 12 !

Only a few hours to go.

Emma and I yesterday had a run through with Adi of the environment site
[link direct via header or cut&paste
http://www.theenvironmentsite.org/Forum/viewforum.php?f=36]
for our online 'chat'.

Already some good pre-questions we have prepped for, though we're not sure how to get our several para answers to their one liners into this ICQ thingy.

It's a good job Emma has the 'dashing digits of a keyboard kween!'

You know what else would be useful?

I just watched our 'local' BBC lunchtime TV.

And it seems up in somewhere (not here), a bunch of scam artists are taking advantage of people's good nature to persuade them to leave out bags of old clothes in the name of a non-existent charity. Apparently, it is a big business.

You know what would be useful to help in such things... a truly localised website that people check on a regular basis for matters such as recycling, reuse and charitable matters, where they can be advised of and/or report on such things immediately.

Now, wouldn't that be a great idea?

Hidden in plain sight.. er.. site

This is fast becoming a 'memo to self/staff', but as the latter seem to find my blog more useful and fun than anything I say in person, it's worth sharing here.

Just now a lovely lady from our Council (well, a company they are paying/subsidising... now there's an idea!) knocked on the door and asked me if I'd like to know about a scheme to give me money to lag, draft exclude and all manner of other neat stuff. Give me money!? Of course I would! Saving green, both moolah and planets, is where I'm coming from!

I now have a form. And freephone.

What would have been nice would be a website… now there's an idea!

Anyway, no sooner had I popped back upstairs and online than I find a press release telling us green waste gathered from a certain council’s gardens is being recycled and used in parks and flowerbeds throughout the borough. Cool. These guys are on the ball, and I am sure the residents are well aware and a well-coordinated scheme is matching supply and demand.

If not, a website would be useful here... now there's an idea!

Now, I wonder if the same thing happens in our postcode - where would I go?

A website would be useful… now there's an idea!

I now am on my fourth composter (courtesy of neat subsidies for all the bins).

If you want to know how, well, a website would be useful… now there's an idea!

Anyway, around our home there seems to be an excess of supply vs. demand. It would be good to get rid of it. So we're on the case (well, when Emma reads this we will be).

If there is something, we'll ask the guys in question to post it on their very own content page.
And when they don't we'll find the time to do it for them.

That way when the public ask about such things, they'll soon find there's one place they know will have, or soon get, the info and answers they need. Junkk.com.

Now there’s a good idea!

No use having an great idea if you can't tell anyone

It is agreed; it's too long. My blog, that is.

So I am going to try a new tack, which is basically punting a notion (a short one) up there as soon as it strikes. These two lines don't count, right?

As you may know, we have not yet launched Junkk.com 'properly' to the public. We want to stock it up a bit more with data and ideas before we push the big PR button. And to do this, we have been approaching fmcg blue-chippies to do just that. No money... (yet, until we've proved we have the visitor numbers. But if anyone does want to get in now...) just an approval and a few minutes of the relevant department's time.

We have not been having the greatest success. I think I know why. Yesterday Uncle Ray, our BizLink business advisor, went through our contacts list and asked about progress.

As I started explaining, he gave me that 'don't procrastinate' smile of his and told me to contact ... this one... and this one (sfx: random finger jabbing)... now! So I did. Know what? Both emails bounced. Know why? Both heads of marketing were 'no longer at that address'. Two, top blue chip MDs, this week, at random. Gone. Sheesh.

This makes my job very difficult. But I guess I should be grateful I still have one.

Even if it writing long blogs.

Can you be good and still have fun?

That thud, just picked up on the Hawaii tsunami sensors, was our lovely Chief of Prose and Comms hitting the floor.

Because, I've gone and done it.

I've pitched our idea to Jeremy Clarkson (well, Top Gear, but I'm sure he reads all the emails).

I'm hopeful, because despite our area of work we often nod in agreement as much as we wince at some of the team's activities, investigations and pronouncements on the activities of the 'mentalists.

We know good. We know fun. We think they may be up for something that does both. Everybody wins. Just like Junkk.com.

Fingers crossed!

Does lucky make you good?

Napoleon once said that he wanted (or preferred, which would make more sense), his Generals to be 'lucky'. This seems to be a view prevalent across society today, and applies across just about every job function one can imagine. And lucky can be profitable with many, especially the worlds of finance and football management. A guy is sitting in the hot seat when it all goes right, and all of the sudden they seem to be accorded guru-like status... and rewards. Ditto business. But with a few notable exceptions, luck is not a substitute for talent (though it makes good copy, hence the only winners are the media), and the fall can be hard.

A while ago we submitted ourselves to a BBC reality TV show called The Dragon’s Den, where successful (or possibly 'lucky') business folks got to assess your idea with a view to investment. As we're not averse to a boost from any quarter, and there's always a use for exposure, it seemed a worthwhile effort. Now we're quite glad we didn't get accepted. Despite some reassuring noises in the invitation to submit, it became apparent that there was not so much interest or intention on the part of the programme makers to find genuine opportunities and make them work, but to generate more car-crash TV, with sweating victims crumbling in front of ruthless interrogators.

A lot just didn't make sense to me, and I am a complete novice in such matters. These guys had a brief moment to outline their concept and proposal, the 'Dragons' posed a few questions (often very good ones, and the failure to answer them by the guys on the spot further convincing me that Business Plans were being pre-screened for holes rather than potential) and then wads of cash were pushed across the table to buy in, on the spot, 'take it or leave it'.

And despite the amounts being, to me, relatively minor, a lot of folks gave away their blood, sweat and tears to these guys... and for what? Money is always nice (but equally easy to spend unwisely if not well directed), but other than this and a bit of temporary profile, what were these business brains going to bring to the party?

Well, today it was announced that the company of one the 'judges' of the programme, Red Letter Days (I guess the press will have a field day with that colour), went into administration. Which is quite sad. Especially for any of those 'invested' in. I understand that there is already a new series 'in the can', and it will be interesting to see how the BBC presents it in light of what's happened.

It at least serves to convince me that we delve even more deeply into what any investor can do for us, short medium and long term, as they will us.

We've been lucky. But we want to stay good.